What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 23:56
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
How can we become the best humans? How can we trust each other?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why am I not getting any atheists to debate with? Are they scared?
He resisted the act ,that day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
What was your best unexpected reunion with your childhood best friend?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Put me off passion for life!!
So, i spoilt her more .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I write beautiful poetry .
How do you leave a relationship when you are still in love?
When she asked me how she looked .
I have no regrets .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why do some women squirt and some don't?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Who then, do I blame.?
Why would a person always be so tired?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Comes on , in middle age.
Why didn't Taylor Swift do Taylor Swift (Taylors version)?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Can you make a fake K-pop group? It can be with any idols.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We all went to grammer schools
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I don,t even have a pension.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I couldn’t, believe it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One cannot live in the past .
We were not on the streets..
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
All the time i was locked up.
I think the readers, may guess!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She married twice! .
And i lived it daily.
He knew the spot.
But it wasn’t much.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My family never makes their pension either.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I will be 64.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
What did i know ?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But, we were locked up after school.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im still living with it.
It was going to be , some day.
(And it was in our own minds.)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I said to her
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
She was in good health!
She loved him until the end.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I was very sick at this time too.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was scared of men, in general
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I waited trembling.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My life is so biszare .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Ive learnt so much.
She found it foreign!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Would this be the day?
She wouldn,t have been !
I could never make a relationship work though!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
This is soul school!.
I was 9 years of age.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Was to survive, this bastard.
So whats the point in blame.
I was seconnd youngest,
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.